As some of you may or may not know (shame on those of you who don’t) my birthday is fast approaching. Yes! I, Daniel, will join the ranks of men…who can drink alcohol legally. To celebrate this monumental occasion I have compiled a list of the five ideal birthday gifts that I would like to receive. I will expect you all to have these gifts to me no later than 6pm on the day of my birthday, July 11th. Thank you for your time, attention, and cooperation in this. And remember “it’s the thought, not the gift, that really counts” is something that people who buy shitty presents say.
#5 New Heroscape stuff:
I don’t know if you know this, but I am a huge dork. And it is only getting worse as I get older. I recently discovered a game called Heroscape which Christine has even mentioned before. It is a minatures game which, on the dork spectrum, is only slightly below LARPing. But, for a minatures game, it is surprisingly easy to play (no D4, 10, 12, 20, or beyond) and has a vast array of cool characters such as robots, gorrillas, and even Marvel heroes, not just sissy elves. And the best thing about it is that you get to build the board out of interlocking plastic hexagons. When you think about it, it’s no wonder I love this game. It combines three of my favorite things: lego-like building, (tiny) action figures, and epic battles. It’s a good thing that I didn’t discover this game until much later in my life because 11 year-old me probably would have had an aneurism at how freakin’ cool it is. Oh! and did I mention the best thing for you? There are a plethora of items to purchase! I only own the second master set, so you can buy me any of the other master sets or large expansions sets or small expansion sets…I WON’T COMPLAIN.
#4 Graphic novels, DVD comic collections, and pretty much any comics:
Hi, have we met? I like comics. I like comics more than zombies like turtles. And here’s the joke. I like them all…pretty much. I am not going to argue with you if you want to give me comics. I am not even being picky about what form they are in. I like graphic novels and am currently in the market for some classics such as The Dark Knight Returns, A Contract With God, and Bone, but I would take collections or trade paper backs. I like the DVD collections that you can find online, I currently own the Amazing Spider-Man one but would love the Fantastic Four, Uncanny X-Men, or Civil War. This is a great way to get a hold of really old/rare comics to read, advertisements and all. And, in case you didn’t know, advertisements from the 1960’s were freakin’ hilarious…and may have advocated violence. But seriously, even if you just want to give me your junky old stack of comics I WON’T COMPLAIN. That being said I am always in the market for The Amazing Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, and Hellboy. Please email me for my complete list so that you don’t send me anything that I already have because that would be like drinking a glass of water in front of a man dying of thirst, dick!
Remember how earlier I said that I have been getting progressively dorkier as I get older? Behold, the greatest dork instrument of them all, the synthesizer. Chances are, if you didn’t know any better, you might think that all that stuff was lab equipment because that is how dorky synths are. Now admittedly you might recognize some synths, and even know that they are instruments. You probably have heard synths on popular songs. I am not into the types of synths used on contemporary pop music which are largely digital and/or sampling keyboards. I am into analog gear right now, which on the whole sounds great, costs an arm and a leg, and is mega-dorky. Because, you see, analog synthesizers are not acoustic instruments made by people who make beautiful music, they are made by people who understand electronics and physics and look like this. And while one can make beautiful music using an analog synth, chances are you are just going to make a lot of bleeps and bloops, or whatever. I am currently really interested in the Korg Monotribe, big brother to the Monotron, which I own. But if you want to spend more on me I WON’T COMPLAIN because I deserve it.
#2 Vintage and rare comics:
As previously discussed, I love comics, but far be it from me to leave you with the idea that all comics are created equal, which justifies the inclusion of a separate section for this request. For whatever reason, I absolutely love vintage comics. I find them to be culturally and historically significant, I love the unassuming art, the naive writing, and did I mention, I absolutely love old comics. Now, I am of course partial to a few specific titles, namely The Amazing Spider-Man, followed by the Fantastic Four. I have been lucky enough to have accrued a few of these titles from loved ones and my own wallet. Though if any of you want to splurge on more vintage comics for me I WON’T COMPLAIN because I can sell the crappy ones you get me and buy ones that I want. Now before you dust off your old copies of Micronauts to send to me I want to make something clear, when I am talking vintage, I mean V-I-N-T-A-G-E. Silver Age and before, 10-20 cent covers. Anything newer than that goes under #4 on this list and means that you will get a smaller piece of my birthday cake. Unless it’s a rare comic that I have been searching for. Y’know what? Just ask me for my list of wanted comics.
#1 Stuffed Shells, cake, and alcohol…copious amounts of alcohol:
What I really want for my birthday not many of you can give me. It doesn’t cost a lot and it isn’t hard to find but you still probably can’t get it for me and it’s not because you are incompetent…this time. What I really want is to be able to sit down and have my traditional birthday dinner, stuffed shells with a meat sauce, surrounded by the friends and family that I love so dearly and miss so much. I want to eat cake. I want to laugh and joke. And I want to drink deeply. And I promise you I WON’T COMPLAIN.
Tagged: a contract with god, bone, comic books, comics, daniel, fantastic four, gorillas, hellboy, heroscape, korg, larp, marvel, marvel civil war, micronauts, monotribe, monotron, robots, the amazing spider-man, the dark night returns, turtles, uncanny x-men, zombies