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Top 10 Favorite R. Kelly Songs

Before I decided to write this list, I had no idea just how many R. Kelly songs there were in the world, and I’d actually only heard a small handful from his entire career.  And, of course, in addition to his normal catalogue, there’s also all of the remixes he’s done, some of which I just had to include in this list.

Writing this post, I’ve noticed a few patterns with his lyrics.  He writes about 1 of 2 things.  The first is just things he sees, or whatever seems to come to him at that moment.  There are some examples below.  The second is just straight up sex or sex-related things.  That’s it.  This is what has allowed him to make record after record for over 20 years.

Below is one of the most difficult Top 10 lists I’ve ever written.  The list of songs to choose from was almost as daunting as choosing my Top 10 Favorite Daniel O’Brien Articles on Cracked.com.  But here it is.

10.  “I Believe I Can Fly”

I had to include this one for no other reason than it is just an R. Kelly classic.  Featured on the soundtrack to Space Jam, it was a huge hit in the ’90s for Mr. Kelly.  This is one of the only (if not, then the only song in his entire career) that doesn’t appear to involve sex or just random thoughts.

9.  “Havin’ a Baby”

Is this song a follow-up to the song “Pregnant“?  The song “Pregnant” almost made this list, but I figured that it really wasn’t necessary to include both “Havin’ a Baby” and “Pregnant”.

He’s so glad to be that baby’s daddy.

8.  “Real Talk”

This song is very reminiscent of “Trapped in the Closet”.  The entire song is R. Kelly sing-yelling at a person that we presume to be his girlfriend, who has accused him of seeing another woman.  But (and this is genius), we only hear R. Kelly’s side.  So, in the song he’s having a conversation with a woman, but we can only hear R. Kelly yelling things like “Wait a minute, let me finish!”.

Here are some of the things that he yells:

How the fuck she know I was with them other girls then?
When the whole club packed…wait a minute let me finish what I gotta say
I’ve been with you for 5 years and you’re listening to your motherfucking girlfriends,
I don’t know why you fuck with them old jealous,
No man-having, ass hoes anyway

And during one of my favorite parts of the song, the ending, he starts yelling for somebody named Milton.  Hmm.

The next time your ass get horny go fuck one of your funky ass friends,
Hell you probably already doing that shit.
Anyway you’re gonna burn what?
Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes,
With your trifling ass
MILTON!…you bogus girl,
MILTON!…start your car and warm it up and get ready to take me home,
This bitch done lost her motherfucking mind

I took a moment to just highlight what I thought were some of the best lyrics.  You can thank me in a comment.

7.  “Same Girl”

This is probably my favorite R. Kelly duet.  He and Usher are having a conversation where they realize they are “messing with the same girl”.  But the music video is truly the best because there is actually an amazing twist at the end.

I like the cute nicknames they have for each other.

6.  “The Opera”

This is the shortest selection on this list, clocking in at 1:23.  This is also the song that made me realize R. Kelly has just been screwing with us for nearly two decades.  It comes from his first double album, R., released in the ’90s.  He uses his best opera voice to sing lyrics like “Dearly be, are you down with me?”, and finishes the song with the sounds of an applauding audience, as though he had just sung an opera.  The man is brilliant.

5.  “Ignition (Remix)”

This is the soundtrack to everybody’s weekend.  It is quintessential R. Kelly, and it’s one of those remixes that I mentioned above.  Lyrically, the remix has absolutely nothing to do with the original version.

I’m like, so what, I’m drunk.

4.  “Sex Planet”

This song is about space sex.  What can be better than space sex?  The opportunities for lyrical double-entendres are limitless.

We’ll take a trip to planet Uranus, Anus.

Yeah, he just said that. I think R. Kelly deserves an award for best use of the word anus in an R&B song.

3.  “Echo”

This song is pure genius.  It’s all about having sex all day, until his lady starts to yodel in ecstasy.  He even yodels in the video!

This video is no joke.  This is the actual video for the song.  Take a moment to process that.  And just in case you didn’t know what an echo is, R. Kelly is here to explain it to you.

2.  “Feelin’ On Yo Booty (Remix)”

I think that R. Kelly has done so many remixes that sometimes he can’t remember which one he’s currently recording.  It’s also likely that he’s recorded so many remixes that there’s no way you or I could keep them straight, so he constantly reminds us which one we’re listening to.  He makes it very easy for us (himself?), because the first lyrics you hear are “What remix is this? (Feelin’ On Yo Booty)”, sung in that special R. Kelly kind of way.  (Before that, you can actually hear him saying “This sounds real familiar.”)  Now, I could have included the original “Feelin’ On Yo Booty” in this list, but for me the remix so eclipsed the original that there was no way I could have been happy just using the original.

The falsetto at the end where he just repeats the word “Booty” makes this remix extra special.

1.  “Trapped in the Closet”

For me, this was absolutely the high point in R. Kelly’s career.  I think this “hip hopera” was a huge accomplishment for him, even though it’s not finished (yet!!).  Currently, there are 22 chapters that you can watch on Youtube.  Below I have provided a link to a Youtube playlist on Vevo that will play all 22 chapters sequentially.  Unfortunately, the first video in the playlist is for the song “Share My Love”, which is an excellent song, but I believe was mistakenly added to the playlist.  Also, the last song on the playlist after Chapter 22, is “Sex Me”, which I believe was also included erroneously.

And now I’m in this dark ass closet, tryin’ to figure out 
Just how I’m gonna get my crazy ass up out this house 

You can also go directly to the Vevo page for R. Kelly and watch them all there as well, and avoid the first video.  Because they are through Vevo, they’re all very good quality.  This is great because he’s releasing a new chapter next week, on Friday November 23.  Daniel and I are so excited for it that we are planning on doing a marathon of the first 22 chapters.

That’s the list.  What are some of your favorite R. Kelly songs?

This is So Sweet That I Think It Gave Me Diabetes

I read a really nice Cracked.com article this afternoon.  That John Cheese sure has been positive lately, but still maintains a certain level of humor.  If you haven’t read it, do it.  It has a wonderful surprise in the end.

Tonight Daniel and I are taking it easy (like every other night).  He needs to watch a movie for one of his classes, so I think we are about to settle in and do that.

Random, but I am so excited to go apple-picking this year!

The Best Super Power

I love Cracked.com.  And I love the videos they make.  This video really got me thinking about the best super power to have.  In light of comic-con, After Hours discusses the pros and cons of various super powers.  Have you ever noticed that most (if not all) superheroes have more than one super human trait about them?  So if you had to choose just one super power, what would it be?  I thought my answer would be Wolverine’s ridiculous healing factor, but they quickly point out the (potential) flaw with that.  I’ve also thought about the ability to fly, but they also give very convincing reasons why that might not be such a good idea.

So if you watched the video before finishing the post, do you agree with their conclusion?  If you haven’t watched the video yet, what super power would you like to have, and why?

The ability to shrink things with just one intense look?

Being a Responsible Adult Isn’t Hard

Daniel and I have been looking into credit cards.  We understand that it’s important to begin establishing good credit.  We also read John Cheese’s latest article on Cracked.com; the one where he discusses that having no credit is just as bad as having bad credit.  And trust me, when Cracked.com talks, we listen.  The problem is that it is never as easy as just buying small things and paying them off as you go along.  If everybody did this how would banks or credit card companies make their money?  So they will try to charge their customers with any and all fees they can think of.  But now, after new laws regarding the credit industry have been effected by Obama, credit companies have to be more and more creative with their fees.  It’s a pretty disgraceful system, and I see absolutely no way around it.

So for the past few days I’ve been searching for a decent credit card where I will at least feel like I won’t be getting screwed.  So far…nothing.  (I’m open to suggestions.  I’m also open to people saying “STAY AWAY FROM THIS COMPANY!”.  Really, anything.)

Another beautiful day spent outside.

Waiting in Line

This morning was a big event for the senior class.  Tickets for the Finger Lakes wine tour went on sale at 9am.  So when did I show up?

7am, of course.  It was me and 6 other idiots girls that wanted to be sure to get tickets as well.  For me, it was honestly less about getting there early to get a ticket and more about getting there early so I can get an earlier spot in line in order to get to work on time…since I was supposed to be at work at 9am (which, you will notice is the same time the tickets actually went on sale).

So for two hours, I waited.  Luckily, I had brought my computer, so I spent my two hours on StumbleUpon and Cracked.com.  I started to get nervous as it got closer to 8am, and none of my friends had arrived.  Meanwhile, the line continued to grow at an alarming rate, leaving me worried that none of my friends would get tickets.  Nothing would be more sad than going on a wine tour without any friends.  Some of the class representatives started to come around and cross names off of their list of seniors.  (Apparently, my name was on the list twice.)  They also gave us a small, red raffle ticket, and marked our hands with permanent marker.  This was obviously serious business.  No one was cutting the line, and only 250 tickets were available.

Finally, 9am rolled around.  The Common Market opened, and we all got a turn to drop our raffle tickets into a bag, hand the student employees our $25, and leave with our orange tickets.  But we couldn’t leave without signing up for a bus.  This was the next obstacle, and my next source of concern.  I needed to pick a bus that wouldn’t fill up before my friends got to the front of the line.  I chose bus #5.  I went around to their respective places in line or texted them, saying to get on bus #5, if they can.  Fortunately, they all got tickets…and we all ended up on the same bus.

My concern was for nothing, and now I’m very excited to bus out to wineries, drink some wine, and get a little tipsy with my friends.

This is my life at work. That's ribbon.