Good Things

We all need to have events that we can get excited about, things we can really look forward to doing or seeing.  This post is going to be solely devoted to all of the things that I’m excited about in the new few weeks.

Mom is visitng.

My mother is on vacation for the next two weeks and it sounds like she is pretty serious about making a trip up to Rochester for a night or two.  This will be a great opportunity for us to go shopping, eat out, and generally help her to relax.  It’s always good to have Mom around.

Park Ave Fest.

Park Ave Fest is being held August 6 and 7 this year.  My sister and her boyfriend Dillon are coming up and it is going to be a weekend-long party.  There will be copious amounts of booze, huge crowds, and lots of bizarre and expensive art on display.  I hope the weather cooperates.

The beach with Daniel’s family.

My favorite part of the summer is going down to North Carolina to spend a week on Bald Head Island with Daniel’s family.  A week of appletinis, swimming in the ocean, riding around on golf carts or bikes, tanning, Corn Hole, and sand.  So much sand.  Everywhere.  I say this every year, but I really want to get up early one morning and watch the sunrise.

That's me, just walking along the beach. I love the ocean.

Living Together

Daniel and I have been dating for almost 2 and 1/2 years.  And we have been living together for almost 2 of those years.  It might be surprising to some people that we moved in so quickly.  We began dating (officially) in December 2008, although I had met him in August.  We lived in the same dorm, on the same hall, across from each other.  So, we had always been in very close proximity.

After we started dating, things just progressed.  The problem was that he lived in North Carolina, and I in New York.  We ignored the approaching summer break for as long as we could.  I think after I visited him on spring break, we determined that the long distance thing was not right for us.  So we discussed it, gingerly at first, and then more seriously.  We both began to look for jobs.  Once we secured jobs, we discovered Ant Hill, a housing cooperative in Rochester.  Although it was one of the best summers I have experienced so far, he was initially much more enthusiastic about living there.  For me, it was strange.  We decided to visit on one of their potluck nights.  They called it Thursgiving, since it was every Thursday.  Guests and prospective members were welcome to attend.  I was nervous and not sure how to interact with them.  Daniel, on the other hand, was excited to meet new people.  (And that’s our relationship in a nutshell.)

After I met the members of the co-op, I wanted to live there.  Badly.  It was in a terrible neighborhood in Rochester, but the people on this particular block were so kind and welcoming.

Our first summer together was pretty seamless, except for the occasional realization that “Oh my god, we’re adult people now!  We pay rent!”  But, we lived well together.

Now we share an apartment in the Park Avenue neighborhood (a much more lively location).  I think many of my friends wonder how (or why) we decided to do it.  The answer is that it just felt right.

What does that mean?  First and foremost, the following are just my opinions, and I’m not prescribing relationship advice, or telling people what’s wrong or right.  This has worked for me, and I want to share it.

First, you have to know them, and I mean really know them.  It seems impossible that Daniel and I could “really” know each other after a few months of dating.  However, Daniel is the kind of person who is very…full disclosure.  He believes in achieving the maximum level of comfort with someone in the least amount of time.  It happened naturally, but he was open with me, and he required that I open up to him.  To sum up this point:  if you can’t fart in front of someone, you can’t live with them.  End of story.  If you are comfortable with that person seeing a turd in your shared toilet that you forgot to flush, then you are more than ready.

Second, you have to get used to the idea that you can’t just shoo them away if you need some personal time, BUT I think it is important that each person has their own space within a living area.  For us, Daniel has his comic book/music loft.  I have a study.  So if we need to be away from each other to get homework done, or we just need a break, we go to our separate areas.  To sum up this point:  If you can’t stand to be around a person for a full day, you can’t live with them.

Third, you have to continue to communicate well.  (I am assuming you were doing okay before you moved in together.)  When we are together, we are rarely silent.  It doesn’t matter what is being said, as long as you’re talking.  Eventually, something really worthwhile comes out.  (And even if it doesn’t, it can still be amusing.)  Sometimes we will debate with each other for hours at a time.  Recently, we had a very long discussion on whether music could actually be considered a “language”.  We also frequently do date nights, which is important for any couple that has begun living together.  To sum up this point:  Talk.  About anything.  You don’t even have to say real words.  I don’t even know if Daniel understands English.

Fourth, you have to be reasonable.  You can’t have unrealistic expectations of your significant other, and you both have to share the chores so that you both feel things are split fairly.  There’s a level of self-awareness that needs to attained in order to recognize if you are being reasonable or unreasonable.  If you get into a fight, you can’t just break up, you have to make an effort to work it out.  Although Daniel and I don’t fight very often, we are quick to realize who is at fault and correct the situation.  There are no grudges.  You can’t fall asleep next to someone that you will wake up resenting.  To sum up this point:  Don’t be a psychotic a-hole.

Finally, you must share similar ideas of what’s fun (and what’s not), what’s clean (and what isn’t), what looks good (and what doesn’t).  To sum it up:  You must have similar interests.  If you don’t, should you be dating in the first place?

We share everything!

Back to Rochester…and reality.

Coming back to Rochester was very difficult, especially because both of us have so many things to do.  I am buckling down and studying for the GRE, which I hope to take by the end of this month or the beginning of next month.  I know that I should just sign up for a date so that I have a concrete deadline (and Daniel points that out to me every time I grumble about it), but I’m too afraid that I will do this and then slack off and take the test unprepared.

I also sent my resume to a few more places this evening.  I’m prepared to not hear back from any of them, but it would still be nice to feel acknowledged, whether in a positive or negative way.  I just want to know that they’ve received it, even if they don’t want to hire me.

I’m in a strange state right now, where I feel a bit overwhelmed by everything, but I’m also really excited about it too.  Graduation is coming up, which is a big deal.  I will finally have my degree.  I’m excited to get a job and I really want it to be biology-related, because I miss doing biology things.  Eventually Daniel and I will move down to North Carolina together, which is thrilling because I love it there.  I feel like there are a lot of good things coming my way right now, but I’m nervous about completing all of the things I’ve taken on this semester.

And do you know what would make all of this so much better?  If the weather would just cooperate, I would be so much happier.  It was so hard driving back to New York yesterday, because the more north we got, the more gray it was.  It’s been a long winter.

 

Why is it so bright? Oh yeah, that's sunshine. I'd almost forgotten.

Spring Break Day 4

This morning Daniel received a call from his mother saying that she was taking us to Cook Out for lunch.  Cook Out is a strictly North Carolina fast food chain.  Daniel kept warning me that it was delicious, but may induce a heart attack.  I assumed it was like any other fast food.  Immediately after hanging up on his mother, Daniel declared that we were going on a walk so that we could preemptively burn the calories we were going to consume for lunch.  After a good walk, we ended up ta Morgan Imports, which is similar to Park Ave’s Parkleigh in Rochester.  However, Morgan Imports sells more furniture and is bigger.  As soon as we arrived there I felt some…movement, and we had to rush home so we could both use the bathroom.  This had been the the goal of the walk, so it was a success.

When Daniel’s mother arrived, we all piled in the van (“we all” being Daniel, his sister, his mother and I) and drove to Cook Out.  Everyone recommended that I get a milkshake.  They explained that they have a ton of milkshake options.  This was true, but I decided to just get chocolate, despite the fact that they had such flavors as Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter Banana, Mint Chocolate Chip, Snickers, etc.  Apparently there are 40 flavors in all.  Daniel then described to me the type of burger he was getting.  Now, these are not like burgers from Burger King or McDonald’s.  They don’t even try to operate under the pretense that the burger could have any healthy redeeming qualities about it.  No, there are no vegetables on these burgers (unless you count the sauteed onions).  It is just melted cheddar cheese (possibly some kind of cheese sauce), sauteed onions, bacon and a patty; not like the paper-thin patties you get at most fast-food joints, these were thick.  Daniel proceeded to point out that the cups and bags all had different Bible verses.  This is, after all, the South.  We arrived back at Daniel’s house and I pulled out this hot mess of a burger, took a bite, and then devoured it.  Between my burger, the side of cheese fries we all had decided to share, and the thickest milkshake I had ever had, it was all I could do just to breathe towards the end of the meal.  My chocolate milkshake more like a cup of ice cream than a beverage.  I tried to drink it out of the straw so I could at least pretend it was an actual drink, but it was so thick that a straw was just not doing the trick, and so I resorted to the complimentary spoon (because they understand that their milkshakes cannot be drunk).  It was certainly the best fast food burger I have had.  The South is definitely superior to the North with their fast food joints, especially between Cook Out and Chik-fil-a.

After that disgustingly unhealthy but delicious meal, Daniel and I decided to go for a bike ride.  As I mentioned yesterday, we had already pumped up the tires in preparation for a longer ride later in the week.  That ride happened today.  It was a perfect day for it, too.  We decided to ride along the American Tobacco Trail, which begins in the American Tobacco Historic District and ends near South Point.  Before we departed, we walked through American Tobacco (number 4 on my list of Top 10 Favorite Things to Do in Durham), and I snapped these shots:

 

 

 

 

Freaky Alligator

 

A Random Caboose

This is not a functional caboose.

I love this fountain.

 

It’s a very cool place and even my photos don’t do it justice.  We decided not to ride all the way to South Point, but did end up riding 8 miles altogether.  I really enjoy riding bikes and I wish I had one in Rochester so that Daniel and I could bike to campus occasionally (when it’s warm).

For dinner, we decided to go to Watt’s Grocery with some of Daniel’s family’s friends.  I decided to get the seafood stew, which was amazing.  Between tonight’s dinner and this afternoon’s lunch, I don’t think I will eat for a week.

Spring break approaches.

Spring Break is just days away.  (Actually, as of this post, we depart from Rochester tomorrow!)  Daniel and I are driving to my house on Thursday night, and leaving for Durham, NC on Friday morning.  This break is much needed, both from schoolwork and the awful weather.

Story time.  It was the year 2009, and Daniel’s and my first spring break together.  We decided to drive down to Durham, of course.  It was the first time I was meeting his parents.  I was all nerves.  We got out a little later than expected.  This was entirely my fault.  I don’t remember what happened, but I probably had not packed the night before, or forgot something and made us turn around, et cetera.  Anyway, we started out late.  This was bad because Daniel had planned the trip very carefully, so that we would miss all of the traffic around the major cities.  When I delayed our departure, I ruined all of these plans.  We were meant to get on 390 south, which would take us to 15 through Pennsylvania, and eventually we would get on 95 and just head south in a very uneventful trip.  This is not at all what happened.  We hit terrible traffic in Maryland, and somehow ended up in Little Italy in downtown Baltimore.  Somewhere along the way, we had missed a connector to 95.  I got very upset, Daniel might have sworn at me for reading the map incorrectly.  I only remember pulling my sweatshirt hood over my head and trying to cry silently to myself in the passenger seat.   Traffic continued to be bad, as there is always traffic around Washington DC, and it didn’t get better until we were in Virginia, at which point we got off of 95 and onto a rural road (which was called Jefferson Davis Memorial Highway…yeah).

When we finally made it to Durham, it was probably after 11:00pm.  We had missed Shabbat dinner with his family, after his father had convinced his mom to buy Chilean sea bass for dinner.  I think we were trying to surprise his mom, and his dad was in on it.  When we got there, we were starving, and ended up eating cold (but delicious) expensive fish that his mom had bought with no knowledge that we were driving down that day.  It was a sad night, and I don’t know if Daniel ever totally forgave me for it.  I still feel pretty guilty about it.

The good news is that since then, we have shared many successful and enjoyable drives both to and from North Carolina.  I adore his family, and I always look forward to the visits now.  It is amazing to look back and think how our relationship might not have survived that first trip.  But, 2 years later, we are doing just fine.

 

Duke Gardens 2010

I found no pictures from Spring Break 2009.  But it happened.  And how.