Tag Archives: r. kelly

On the Way Home…

As this post is being published, I am driving to Upstate New York to visit my family.  I haven’t been back since February, but I’m sure it hasn’t changed much.

I just want to take this moment to add onto my last R. Kelly post.  He added more chapters to “Trapped in the Closet”!  As I feared, it answered absolutely none of the questions left from the previous chapters, but it did introduce some bizarre new characters, including one that had R. Kelly in blackface.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  Well, I will just post the link to the video.

 

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A Quiet Weekend

This weekend was pretty relaxing overall.  After buying a growler of beer at Bull City Burger and Brewery, Daniel and I fired up the XBox yesterday so we could play through Halo and Halo 2 again.  The XBox doesn’t quite work the way it’s supposed to, so Daniel and I are going to be purchasing an XBox 360 for Hanukkah.  It’s going to be a gift from both of us to both of us.  We’re pretty excited, because our XBox is absolutely on its last legs.  Today it shut itself off for no reason.

Of course, an XBox 360 means we can play through all of the other Halo sequels.  I am also excited about Plants vs Zombies for the XBox 360, since it has a co-op mode.

Expect a special post coming later this week about Thanksgiving.  And, as I mentioned in the R. Kelly post, we will be doing a “Trapped in the Closet” marathon sometime this week, so there will be some mention of that.

Top 10 Favorite R. Kelly Songs

Before I decided to write this list, I had no idea just how many R. Kelly songs there were in the world, and I’d actually only heard a small handful from his entire career.  And, of course, in addition to his normal catalogue, there’s also all of the remixes he’s done, some of which I just had to include in this list.

Writing this post, I’ve noticed a few patterns with his lyrics.  He writes about 1 of 2 things.  The first is just things he sees, or whatever seems to come to him at that moment.  There are some examples below.  The second is just straight up sex or sex-related things.  That’s it.  This is what has allowed him to make record after record for over 20 years.

Below is one of the most difficult Top 10 lists I’ve ever written.  The list of songs to choose from was almost as daunting as choosing my Top 10 Favorite Daniel O’Brien Articles on Cracked.com.  But here it is.

10.  “I Believe I Can Fly”

I had to include this one for no other reason than it is just an R. Kelly classic.  Featured on the soundtrack to Space Jam, it was a huge hit in the ’90s for Mr. Kelly.  This is one of the only (if not, then the only song in his entire career) that doesn’t appear to involve sex or just random thoughts.

9.  “Havin’ a Baby”

Is this song a follow-up to the song “Pregnant“?  The song “Pregnant” almost made this list, but I figured that it really wasn’t necessary to include both “Havin’ a Baby” and “Pregnant”.

He’s so glad to be that baby’s daddy.

8.  “Real Talk”

This song is very reminiscent of “Trapped in the Closet”.  The entire song is R. Kelly sing-yelling at a person that we presume to be his girlfriend, who has accused him of seeing another woman.  But (and this is genius), we only hear R. Kelly’s side.  So, in the song he’s having a conversation with a woman, but we can only hear R. Kelly yelling things like “Wait a minute, let me finish!”.

Here are some of the things that he yells:

How the fuck she know I was with them other girls then?
When the whole club packed…wait a minute let me finish what I gotta say
I’ve been with you for 5 years and you’re listening to your motherfucking girlfriends,
I don’t know why you fuck with them old jealous,
No man-having, ass hoes anyway

And during one of my favorite parts of the song, the ending, he starts yelling for somebody named Milton.  Hmm.

The next time your ass get horny go fuck one of your funky ass friends,
Hell you probably already doing that shit.
Anyway you’re gonna burn what?
Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes,
With your trifling ass
MILTON!…you bogus girl,
MILTON!…start your car and warm it up and get ready to take me home,
This bitch done lost her motherfucking mind

I took a moment to just highlight what I thought were some of the best lyrics.  You can thank me in a comment.

7.  “Same Girl”

This is probably my favorite R. Kelly duet.  He and Usher are having a conversation where they realize they are “messing with the same girl”.  But the music video is truly the best because there is actually an amazing twist at the end.

I like the cute nicknames they have for each other.

6.  “The Opera”

This is the shortest selection on this list, clocking in at 1:23.  This is also the song that made me realize R. Kelly has just been screwing with us for nearly two decades.  It comes from his first double album, R., released in the ’90s.  He uses his best opera voice to sing lyrics like “Dearly be, are you down with me?”, and finishes the song with the sounds of an applauding audience, as though he had just sung an opera.  The man is brilliant.

5.  “Ignition (Remix)”

This is the soundtrack to everybody’s weekend.  It is quintessential R. Kelly, and it’s one of those remixes that I mentioned above.  Lyrically, the remix has absolutely nothing to do with the original version.

I’m like, so what, I’m drunk.

4.  “Sex Planet”

This song is about space sex.  What can be better than space sex?  The opportunities for lyrical double-entendres are limitless.

We’ll take a trip to planet Uranus, Anus.

Yeah, he just said that. I think R. Kelly deserves an award for best use of the word anus in an R&B song.

3.  “Echo”

This song is pure genius.  It’s all about having sex all day, until his lady starts to yodel in ecstasy.  He even yodels in the video!

This video is no joke.  This is the actual video for the song.  Take a moment to process that.  And just in case you didn’t know what an echo is, R. Kelly is here to explain it to you.

2.  “Feelin’ On Yo Booty (Remix)”

I think that R. Kelly has done so many remixes that sometimes he can’t remember which one he’s currently recording.  It’s also likely that he’s recorded so many remixes that there’s no way you or I could keep them straight, so he constantly reminds us which one we’re listening to.  He makes it very easy for us (himself?), because the first lyrics you hear are “What remix is this? (Feelin’ On Yo Booty)”, sung in that special R. Kelly kind of way.  (Before that, you can actually hear him saying “This sounds real familiar.”)  Now, I could have included the original “Feelin’ On Yo Booty” in this list, but for me the remix so eclipsed the original that there was no way I could have been happy just using the original.

The falsetto at the end where he just repeats the word “Booty” makes this remix extra special.

1.  “Trapped in the Closet”

For me, this was absolutely the high point in R. Kelly’s career.  I think this “hip hopera” was a huge accomplishment for him, even though it’s not finished (yet!!).  Currently, there are 22 chapters that you can watch on Youtube.  Below I have provided a link to a Youtube playlist on Vevo that will play all 22 chapters sequentially.  Unfortunately, the first video in the playlist is for the song “Share My Love”, which is an excellent song, but I believe was mistakenly added to the playlist.  Also, the last song on the playlist after Chapter 22, is “Sex Me”, which I believe was also included erroneously.

And now I’m in this dark ass closet, tryin’ to figure out 
Just how I’m gonna get my crazy ass up out this house 

You can also go directly to the Vevo page for R. Kelly and watch them all there as well, and avoid the first video.  Because they are through Vevo, they’re all very good quality.  This is great because he’s releasing a new chapter next week, on Friday November 23.  Daniel and I are so excited for it that we are planning on doing a marathon of the first 22 chapters.

That’s the list.  What are some of your favorite R. Kelly songs?

Best Thing / Worst Thing

Every Friday, Daniel and I sit down for dinner and share our best and worst things of the week.  It’s a really nice tradition that he’d always done with his family, and I’m glad he shares it with me now.

My best thing this week was that Daniel actually started his job at Duke, and is therefore much happier than he has been for the past few months.  It was hard to see him so down on himself all of the time because he was struggling to get a job (as many of us have done recently).  Unfortunately, a job does in fact mean that you have to show up at work at a time that your body doesn’t necessarily want to be awake, so he’s been kind of tired lately.  Last night we both fell asleep around 8pm and slept until 9:30pm, at which point we actually cleaned ourselves up and officially went to bed.  My (obvious) advice to you:  don’t take a nap at 8pm.  It really messes with your internal clock.  Ours was more accidental, but if you can avoid it then don’t do it.

I also got paid today, which is always a good thing.  Some of my co-workers and I celebrated by going out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant called La Cocina.  It was pretty tasty for the price, and the service was fast so we could get back to work at a reasonable time.

My worst thing is that sometime before the end of next week, I have to do 8 hours of mandatory overtime so that we can catch up with some of our work.  Now, we’ve had mandatory overtime every month since July, so it’s something I’ve come to dread for a while now, over and over again.  It is nice because I can make a little extra money, but I really dislike going in to work on a day off, and it is really hard staying for an extra hour or two after I’ve already worked an 8 hour day.  But every month I manage to do it, and it becomes worth it once I get paid.

What are your best and worst things this week?

COMING SOON:

I’m hoping next week will be an R. Kelly themed week.  I have a couple of post ideas rolling around in my head, and I hope to get them written sometime this weekend.  We will see if that happens.  I also really want to see Skyfall, so there may be a post on the way about that.  Stay tuned!

Space Jam

Sometimes Unadilla can be a little boring.  So, on Sunday night, in continuing our tradition to re-live the 1990’s, I dug out my family’s Space Jam VHS for me and Daniel to watch.  If you somehow missed out on this phenomenon, don’t worry:  the movie’s 1996 website is still up and running.

The premise of the movie is…kind of lacking, honestly.  Some aliens decide that they want to kidnap the Looney Tunes and make them into slaves at their amusement park, Moron Mountain.  The Looney Tunes figure that since the aliens are short and can’t jump very high, that they should challenge them to a basketball game for their freedom.  Seems dandy, until the aliens steel the talent of famed basket ball players Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Tyrone “Muggsy” Boges, Larry Johnson, and Shawn Bradley.  So Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck decide to recruit Michael Jordan.  Unfortunately, he has decided to retire from basketball and play baseball.  So it takes some convincing, but he finally agrees to help the Looney Tunes.  Then they play some basketball and win, of course, and Michael Jordan even makes it back just in time for his baseball game.

It’s a terrible movie.  But we all remember the soundtrack:

Oh yeah, R. Kelly.

This might have been the most exciting character in the village of Unadilla while we were there.

A great man once said

“It’s the freakin’ weekend baby, I’m about to have me some fun.”  That great man?  It was R. Kelly.

Ah, Thursday.  Thursdays are special for me this semester.  Why, you ask?  Because this semester “Thursday” actually means “Friday”.  And “Friday” means “extra day off”.  I finally did the smart thing this semester.  The thing most people start doing during their sophomore year at the University of Rochester.  I finally arranged my schedule so that I have no classes and no work on Fridays.  That’s a three-day weekend, every weekend.  It makes the four days during the week a little bit longer, but it’s entirely worth it when Sunday evening rolls around and I actually feel well-rested and ready to begin the week again.  I know I should not become accustomed to this, because when I start working at a real job this summer, three-day weekends will cease to exist.  However, until then, I will take advantage of it.

The only problem I have encountered with having this three-day weekend is that everybody else is still working on Fridays.  First, this makes them resent me.  Second, when Daniel and I go to the gym on Friday mornings, I can’t park my car in Library Lot because a permit is required during the week, until the evening hours.  So this forces me to park in Park Lot, which just makes the trip to the gym longer.  Normally, this would be a great way for me to do a little warm-up walk around campus before performing some heavy-duty cardio, but when it is in the negative digits because of the wind chill, it makes walking around in any gym clothes and sneakers really unpleasant.  Now that it has started warming up around here, I hope it will not be such an issue.

My random photo for today:

 

“Genuine Bull Durham Tobacco”

This photo was taken in January during my visit to Durham, NC.  I was visiting Daniel and his family during the New Year celebration.  I planned to take a series of photos around the city, but this ended up being the only shot of the city that I took during this particular trip.  Unfortunately, there seemed to be some glare happening at the time, so I need to re-take this.  However, I will be going back to Durham in just 2 and 1/2 weeks and can continue my quest then.  It should be very warm and very sunny, and so I am very excited.